Clever Title

http://www.surveybuilder.com/s/LibAly_fQAA

ITS ON SHERLOCK HOLMES ITS FOR MY ENGLISH CLASS

been quite some time since I’ve posted. probably cause i havent been the victim of heartbreak in a while, I have a girlfriend!! woah look at that. Yet i find myself slipping back into that hole ive found to be oh so comfotable. this self pity, wallowing, nothing she does heals it, mainly because I dont allow it. I almost love heartbreak because it invokes so much feeling inside of me, ive become a monster, inflicting emotional pain. My self esteem plummets. I feel like her and I wont last, that maybe we have promised to much…

heres something i wrote recently. Feedback would be appreciated. 

Is this my reflection?

The ill boding stares back at me

Run away; push away

my heart screams

Beneath the waves

You are they, just another color

Repeat the art of deception, life shows me an avenue

Weigh my worth, the scales tip in your favor

If I were to leave you

Would you love me then?

If I were to bleed you

Would you hold me then?

Can I be true to you

While you false to me

Nail my coffin shut

Lower me in the ground

You are they, just in other clothing

Repeat the art of deception, life shows me an avenue

Weigh my worth, the scales tip in your favor

If I were to leave you

Would you love me then?

If I were to bleed you

Would you hold me then?

Lonely, is where I belong

Lonely, is where I am with you

Love is gone

Innocence is lost

Jealousy take me, drown me in your sea

Do I have to explain?

Please leave me

Leave me to drown. 

I JUST SPENT LIKE AN 1 HOUR OF MY LIFE ON THIS, GENIUS

this is legit so sick. 

Im pretty sure God feels bad for us. 

Is my journey over?

Weigh my worth before you

Have I pleased you yet?

Twirl about ignoring the signs

Ignoring me

SO I have to trust you?

Trust you to tell me to stay

Trust you to end my journey?

Weigh my worth before you

Have I pleased you yet?

A sirens love is par to none

A sirens love is par to none

A sirens love is par to none

And where do we go from here?

Am I all alone in a dark dusty valley

Please talk to me

Hear my call

Have I pleased you yet?

A sirens love is par to none

A sirens love is par to none

A sirens love is par to none

Is my journey over?

Weigh my worth before you

Have I pleased you yet?

Twirl about ignoring the signs

Fallen victim to you. 

I’m starting to wonder if this is even worth the waiting hand and foot, the present giving and the compliments. Maybe it’s not even real and I’m just delusional. If only I could blame that. I know that I’ve deluded myself into thinking I meant something to you. I like giving presents, I like complimenting and I voluntarily do things for you cause I’m trying to show you that I care. Hopefully you care too. Im having a crisis and I wonder who is going to help me through this one. 

I’ll get over you if I have to, just tell me when. I know it’s over, but still I cling. 

Maybe I’m over thinking it, again. I wont act on any of these feelings, I’ll merely wish them away, hoping sleep takes them away. Pray for me as my night comes to an end. 

Her eyes reflect an innocence that seems lost in the world, evokes the feeling of unceasing truth to come spilling out of ones mouth. Her hair dyed an ember hue, a favorite of mine. Freckels dotted around her skin, each one right where its supposed to be. Her voice like lapping ocean waves tickeling the shore, leaving without a trace. My heated mind can be cooled at the sound of it. 

I am a suitor of seemingly dozens. I like to pretend I’m the only one but I’m cautious to give in, falsifying reality. If I could, i would pry open my mind to let her know. 

I’m a not too suitable suitor and shes my friend. so where is the line? I don’t want to cross it, scaring her away. I’m not the best student, and not the healthiest eater but I have the heart to let you in. Ill keep you warm.

You wanted me to tell you all that I thought. Theres not much to say because it’s simple. I want you. I want everything about you. I want your friendship, I want to be yours. But people tell me patience, I try, but I want to race it. I know if I do I’ll lose. 

Im sure even the blind could see your beauty. I may be overstepping bounds but I have to stay brave. 

I am not him. I don’t aim to compete. He was there for you when you needed it, but do you still need him? I want to know you and I want to you to know me. But I want to know that he is no longer the owner of our heart, that no one owns your heart. I know he loves you still, I know it takes time to get over it, I just hope you are.  I want you to know that I am worried. Know that I am terrified, and jealous. Weak and powerless. Do I need someone or want someone? Eventually they meld into one, causing your heart and mind to clash.  Im baring all again, fully aware of the risk. Moments with you are comparable to when the wind is at my back, just cold enough to warrant cover. But its welcomed, it reminds me that I’m alive. 

So there is what I think of you. You wanted to know, I’ve yet to figure out why. 

You are my prettiest friend, and Ill let this story unfold. 

I lay on the floor, a most uncomfortable spot. It’s the only place that I enjoy though. I don’t want to be in bed cause then I’ll think about the “what if?”, I don’t want to lay on the couch because I’ll think about the “with who’s” and I don’t want to see you because then all I’ll think about is you.

But I keep talking, I keep messaging and I keep waiting. All I want to do is cut away but I love the insanity this brings. It’s a pleasurable torture, pretending I’m having a good time hearing myself scream. I search for a medication to keep me at bay but my longing for you is unbearable. So I burst, running towards you, faster and faster but the distance….the road is so damn long. I don’t think I’ll last. I was never good at pacing myself, I just want it now, I need it now. The more I think the more I yearn the more I yearn…the more I fall for you.

Tumbling off my cloud in a haze of desperation I cling to you like static. I hope you avoid others that may have a better chance then me, because I’m slowly to think I don’t have one at all. It doesn’t stop me, nothing will unless I shoot my running feet off.

 I’m writing this so maybe I can dispel my anxiety. I can’t tell you all this so I bottle it up. I withhold it, in fear you’ll run away further then you already are.

I wish I didn’t care.